THE BOYS I LOVED IN MS.GRIENKE’S FIFTH GRADE CLASS
WRITTEN BY AMARA HOLLAND
ILLUSTRATED BY RILEY SULLIVAN
At the ripened age of ten, I went through a series of lovers (of sorts). I had spent each school year in a different school, in a different state, and although it made me a rather cultured fifth grader, I was also incredibly alone.
My best friend was my one-eyed male goldfish, Cameron Diaz. I read in J-14 magazine that Cameron Diaz, the actress, and I have the same birthday. And since Cameron Diaz, the goldfish, was a pity gift from my parents for my 10th birthday, I thought the name was fitting. He lost his eye on the road trip from our last home to our new one. I thought I had figured out the best system to transport Cameron Diaz safely on the ride but somehow his eye erupted. The disappointment I had internalized from making my best and only friend’s eye explode made me question my own self worth. So, when I entered Ms. Greinke’s fifth grade class and saw the brown-skinned boy with long curly hair and a Pull-up sticking out of his khakis, I figured he could be an answer for me.
His name was Musiq and he would cry at the end of every school day because he didn’t want to go home with his Grandma. I never saw his mother or father or even an aunt or uncle. And I didn’t blame him for crying either. His Grandma was a surly old woman whose face hung in a permanent scowl. She was always dressed in heavy, jewel-toned fabrics, maintained a fresh silk press and unchipped bright red nail polish. I thought they were rich but she looked too sad to be a rich woman.
Everyone made fun of him for being a baby and looking like a girl, especially one boy in our class, Jaiden. But something about his babyish nature and girlish appearance intrigued me. And we both loved Pokemon. I would bring my pink Nintendo DS to recess and we would spend the entire time playing the Pokemon games underneath the big twisty slide. We were shielded from the mean kids’ judgment by the biggest, yellowest, twistiest slide I had ever seen. Little rubber chips from the playground floor would embed themselves into the skin on our legs and it would hurt but at least our spot stayed dry even when it rained, and was cool even on the hottest days and most importantly, it was ours.
One day, under the big twisty slide, Musiq pursed his lips tight and touched them to mine. My eyes shot wide and my heart flew around my chest like a moth trapped inside a light. I held his sticky little hand in my
sticky little hand and we both smiled until our cheeks felt numb. And we would touch our lips together quickly, hold hands and take turns playing on my Nintendo DS every day until Musiq stopped coming to school. Something had happened with his Grandmother and he needed to move away.
I was sad at recess for a long time. I would sit underneath the slide, imagining that Musiq was sitting beside me. I began reading huge chapter books at recess. And I guess my reclusiveness and early intellectualism made the other kids underestimate my athletic capabilities, despite being tall for my age and pretty spry. Because one day, amongst the normal recess chaos, I heard a group of boys throw my name around in the distance.
“Jaiden, I bet you won’t go up to her and ask
her to race you.” A boy said.
“Yeah! We double dog dare you!”
“No, we triple, quadruple-duple dare you!” All the boys laughed and a few moments later Jaiden approached me under the slide. Without moving, I looked up at him over my book. His big green eyes looked back at me, his short hair spiky with sweat, and cheeks flushed from playing in the sun.
“Wanna race?” He said, trying to sound tough. He looked back at his friends for approval and cracked a smile. He wiped the smile off his face, along with some sweat, as he turned back around to me.
“Race?” I said, still only looking over my book.
“Yeah,” He said. And with that, I stood up, dusted the rubber shards from my legs, and emerged from under the big twisty slide. “Let’s go over there.” Jaiden said, pointing to the stretch of asphalt that led to the classroom trailers on the other side of the playground.
I felt determined to beat Jaiden to avenge my friend. I had to win for all the times they made Musiq cry or forced him to hide away from our small world. I reached the finish line, where the asphalt ended and the grass began again, with Jaiden crossing seconds after me. His friends directed the viciousness they usually spew to others, right back at him. He hung his head and walked back to the playground, and sat on the furthest bench away from everyone. All the girls cheered for me, blew raspberries at the boys and threw their L-shaped hands on their foreheads.
I slipped through the crowd, evading the binary bickering and found Jaiden. I sat next to him and he scooched away from me a bit, head still hung in defeat.
“I GOT THIS FOR YOU.” HE SAID. HE WAS LOOKING DOWN AT HIS FEET, HOLDING HIS HAND OUT. THE BIG BEAUTY HERSELF SAT GLISTENING IN HIS PALM.
“Good race,” I said, offering my hand to him.
“Leave me alone.” He said, brooding. I put my hand down but continued to sit there with him, in complete silence until the bell rang and it was time to go back to class. There was an obvious distance between Jaiden and I for about a week after that. Until one particular Friday. On Fridays, anyone who didn’t get a demerit during the week got to pick out of Ms. Greinke’s treasure box filled with all the typical delights. Candy, Slinkies, Silly Bands, bouncy balls and gaudy toy rings. Each week girls crossed all toes and fingers in hopes that their crush would give them a promise ring just as flimsy as the promise itself.
I was bewildered when, on this particular Friday, Jaiden stood up and walked towards Ms. G’s treasure chest. I watched, convinced he
was attempting larceny. Instead, he showed Ms. G his empty demerit card, reached in and pulled out a chunky silver ring with a shiny red plastic jewel in the center. And I was even more shocked when in the line to lunch, he gave this ring to me.
“I got this for you.” He said. He was looking down at his feet, holding his hand out. The big beauty herself sat glistening in his palm.
“Thank you.” I said, taking the ring out of his hand and putting it on my finger. And rather than the claps and congrats of a typical public proposal, we were met with snickers and whispers. Among the gossips were Amiya and Kenedi, the most recent to couple up. Kenedi proposed to Amiya while walking to the busses at the end of the school day.
The rest of the day went as normal, even with Jaiden and I. At recess, I sat under the slide and read while he rough-housed with his friends. I wished he would sit with me. And that’s when someone sat down next to me, Kenedi.
“Whatcha reading?” He asked.
“A book, duh.” I said without looking up.
“Look at the new Silly Bands I got today,” He said, holding out three oddly shaped, brightcolored rubber bands. There was a black horse, a blue one that was supposed to be SpongeBob and a green heart. “You can have this one.” And he handed me the green heart.
I took the gift and turned away, smiling into my sweaty shoulder. Kenedi was the cutest
boy in our grade and he wanted me to have his rubbery green heart.
I looked over at Jaiden, then back at Kenedi, and down at the green band on my wrist. And just as Musiq had done to me, I balled my lips up as tight as possible and touched them to Kenedi’s cheek. My lips stuck to his skin just a little bit and were salty when I licked them. He froze in place and when he turned his head to look at me, he burst into tears and ran to tell Ms. Greinke that I kissed him under the slide.
I got a demerit and got recess revoked for three days. I sat on the bench, watching all the kids play without me for three days straight, stewing in my shame. All I could think about was Cameron Diaz, the fish, and how I can refine my system for him next time we move and leave this season of embarrassment behind me forever.
